Well, I said, did I not, that I might be uncertain re. my favourite duck. But I do know one thing, Eiders are right up there. Great big and cuddly, with a superb bold colour scheme, well the males anyway. And what a sound track. Being a ‘norfuk’ boy, it was a long time before I saw one of these lovelies. In fact I think it was during the anti-Torness nuclear power station demonstrations in ‘77 and ‘78 (good times!). It was love at first sight. A thousand moons later and I moved to Shetland, where they are fairly numerous. SO, how come I only have crap pictures of them. I don’t know, perhaps it was that, oh I can go after them tomorrow thing.

Well I knew I had to get back to these big lovelies, and that time has finally come. First stops are along the Fife coast, stopping from place to place to gaze out to sea. At Pittenweem, I spot a gaggle ‘hanging out’ in the small active part of the harbour. It seems a trawler has only recently parked and unloaded. I’d like to think mebbe a nice trawlerman (I expect it’s trawlerperson now) has bunged a few bits to these patient ducks. Their behaviour is a total contrast to the squabbling gulls that share the harbour with them.

This is my first close contact with my favourite duck for 2 decades, and they are as absolutely lovely as I remember. I take a load then, of course, I want to get closer. Actually I’d really just like to pick one up and cuddle it! I’d also prefer a better angle on the light. So, I sneak into the restricted area to get closer and try to get the evening sun over my right shoulder Then I realise I’ve overdone it, I’m too close to them I have to remove the 1.4x lens from the 500mm.

This chap happened to drift past, I asked if he’d mind me taking his picture. He replied that he’d be delighted as he had been expecting me ever since his cousin from Shetland had told him I’d be along some time. “But how come it has been so many years?” he added. I bowed my head in contrition said I really didn’t know. Then I took his picture. I wished him well.

Just as I started to move off, thinking I should get a few pictures of the Greater black-backs nearby he shouted “hang on a minute mate, meet the missus, would you mind taking her picture for me please”. He called, and she drifted over, I said that she looked really sweet, and took her picture. I meant it, she does.

Those ‘hamster cheeks’ of course result partly from the strong jaws and muscles needed to crack open the marine Molluscs and Crustacea, esp mussels, that form a large part of their diet. So they’re ‘mussel muscles’ really, what a child I am. Of course that characteristic head slumped into their shoulders look helps too.

As soon as I’ve taken the first picture he tells her to give a big sexy smile. She laughs, and tell him to ‘bugger off’.

It gives a great chance tho’ of see more of the structure of that bill, tough enough to crunch through mussel shells and other marine Mollusca. I keep my fingers well clear.

Well my Eider safari wasn’t limited to Fife, and a few days later I’m down on the Northumberland coast. I strike it rich in Seahouses harbour when I notice a small party down near the beach. I take to the wet sand, literally. I want some low angle views and if I can’t lie in wet sand I may as well give up photography. After perhaps 10 minutes of watching them floating about, and me sniping the odd shot, I notice that about half a dozen are drifting towards the beach itself. It dawns on me their intention is to come out onto the sand, mere metres from me. Wow, what an excellent treat.

Closer and closer to the beach they get, I follow through the viewfinder, finger poised, these are going to be lovely picture. And now I may blaspheme profoundly because I know of no other way to express my utter contempt for inconsiderate selfish brainless moronic human behaviour. Just as these beautiful birds were perhaps 2 metres from the shore a missile flew past me, furiously barking and splashing out toward the now rapidly retreating Eider. Moments later three inane voices of the insentient could be heard waddling toward me, probably debating where to get their next packet of chips from. Now I know I should not blame the dog, he was, after-all, only following his instincts. And of course he was by far the most intelligent of the four by a long chalk, so they weren’t going to have enough brain power enough to think beyond their chip/face discussion. I think I’ll stop there. I’ve have been told I should be more understanding, more tolerant. Well, as we say in Norfolk, ‘fark that!’

Turning my attention back to the Eider as they drift away I take some more pictures, but it all seems somewhat hollow now, the excitement has gone.

Well this male restors my good humour a tad as he rises up and shakes water from his head. I wonder if it’s preparatory their ‘head back’ display. Please. But no he settles back, content for now to drift about in the sun. Of course I might have had nice pictures of him sitting on the beach, but I don't do I.

The head colour of his out of focus compadre tho’ fascinates me. I am not sure if it’s the angle of the light or some other reason. Is he in charge perhaps! I’ll look into it, although if you know please tell me.

After spending a long time removing every grain wet sand from my clothes, my rucsac and, especially the camera I return to the harbour structure itself to explore. A few Eider are floating around here and the harbour wall is creating a big wedge of shadow.

I want to capture one of them in the sun but set against the dark shadowed water. Oh, for trained birds. Several swim directly into the shadow, one manages to pose beautifully at the sort of perfect location I hoped for, but with its arse facing me. Ho hum. Then at last, as I’m seriously thinking of giving up, one floats perfectly along the ‘terminator’ for a few moments. Snap. Thank you. Move on, ever on.

I’ve chosen the close up here, mostly because you can see that this duck does have eyes! Usually, they get lost in that black head stripe. Photographically they are tricky birds, such a contrast between the that black and white. And that pink chest is very subtle too and can get lost as well.

As I continue to wander around, I catch sight of something weird swimming around behind some moored tourist boats parked in the first part of harbour. And I mean weird.

At first glance I wonder if this is some lost juvenile migrant, but of what? I move to get closer and better views. Umm, I am no nearer knowing what the f… I’m looking at. I take a few pictures to give myself time to trawl through my memory, it takes longer now. I mean what is it? I obviously don’t know every duck on Earth, but surely I know those likely to turn up. My head begins to hurt, and I feel embarrassed. I decide to give up and quietly move on, pretending I haven't seen it!

So what actually is it? After returning home I find out. Well, it’s presumed to be a hybrid Eider/Mallard cross, and apparently quite well-known to local birders. Indeed there may be a few of them about on this part of the coast. Similar ‘mutants’ that is.

I don’t know which way round it’s parent were, so to speak. Did a male Eider get amorous with a lady Mallard after one too many in the nearby ‘Ship’ public house one Friday night. Or did a lady Eider succumb to the ‘charms’ of a male Mallard. I mean given the beautiful courtship display and calls of the Male Eider compared to the raucous quack bloody quack of a mallard it seems unlikely. But of course we all know of the oft-adopted male mallard ‘courtship’ of quickly jump-on lads, you hold her down. Does this avian monstrosity result from such a ‘rape’. Given the size difference, and those jaws, it seems improbable to me, but not impossible I suppose. Well I don’t know

He certainly doesn’t get in here on pretty grounds, but at least you know what one looks like.

I’m walking out along Elie harbour, out past the old grain store, it’s quite a blowy day and outside the wall the sea has quite some swell.

A far way out I notice a few Eider, where they should be, in the sea, not skulking around in harbour! As the waves rise and fall the Eider keep disappearing, it gives me a chance to capture a sinking movement.

Well I thought it looked cute.

After watching them for a bit I finally make out that this little group is composed of 2 males and a couple of ladies. Despite the swell the presence of female company encourages the boys to show-off. Soon I am lucky enough to see the head and neck courtship display being performed. I can’t tell if they’re trying to out-perform each other, but I like the apparent indifference of the leading lady as she stares straight ahead. It must be frustrating for them, I mean it looks as though one of the chaps has managed to get his head up his own bum, and that’s no mean trick.

The classic head flick and one boy seems to sink in disgrace. The indifference is still superb, with the second lady, having now reappeared from behind the sea, just looking the other way.

If these girls really aren’t impressed, how shall we get baby eiders?